Where do I start?

I know i've been totally m.i.a for awhile but I had such an amazing ENCOURAGING weekend that I had to record it somewhere so that I wouldn't forget. I don't know why I always get blown away at how God seems to "know" when I need a reminder of His love for me and that He KNOWS me and cares for me. He's an on-time God and His love for me is over flowing. This past year has been a rollercoaster for me health wise, i'm not really a sickly person, i hardly ever get sick. But i've been battling this ugly infection in a super annoying spot (the one that costed me my job) and then for the past 6 weeks i've had a super irritating UGLY nasty cold&cough. As I was reflecting the other day and really thinking about how i've been these past few months, I realized that I guess I was a bit depressed over it, because it was interfering with our whole baby making trial.

So this past Friday was our annual Women's All-Night Prayer service at my church. It's a huge event for us, it starts at 10:30pm and ends at 4am. I'm part of the planning committee. There's 4 different speakers and after each speaker there's a prayer time of 30 minutes. We also have an amazing worship time in the beginning. This year because I was feeling so horrible, my nose was stuffy, I was coughing like crazy, and my head was pounding, I honestly just went to "work" and help to make sure everything was running smooth. But...God had different plans for me (of course) every.single.speaker was SOOO anointed, powerful and their teachings were exactly what I needed to hear. He TOTALLY met me there. The 1st speaker, Barbara Casas, as she was speaking (I was sitting in the front row with my friends) she locked eyes with me and said "Tell God, I will not let go until you bless you". She was talking about determination. I knew God was speaking to me.

The next speaker was talking about her husband and how this past month he had gotten really sick and was in the hospital, in icu, and she was just telling their story. She was saying that it had been really hard on her and her 2 kids, how they would come home from the hospital and cry and pray. She seen how all that they had enstilled in her kids when they were younger her grown kids were using that NOW and how proud she was of her kids. Anyways, she said one day she was at the hospital and the dr.'s were saying how when they DO send her husband home that it would take a year for her husband to learn to talk and walk again. She said she went home and she heard God tell her, "WHO ARE YOU??" She realized she forgot who she was IN CHRIST. She forgot who her FATHER was, she forgot who she served. She forgot the miracle worker HER God was. She forgot she was His princess. I knew God was speaking to me.

My friend Michelle (the one I helped give a baby shower for -our young adults pastor's wife) gave her testimony of her story of her and her husbands desire for a baby and how they ended up getting pregnant and her journey thru the dr's telling her there wasn't a heartbeat and then there was and then there wasn't...she went thru alot of drama with different dr.'s and all of them telling her different things. It caused her alot of stress and tears. She went home one day and her husband told her "Michelle, we need to FIGHT". And as hard it was to hear her give her testimony and sit there in the very FRONT row all the while my heart was stinging and that lump in my throat was growing, I sat there and was happy for her and her blessing. She was saying to fight and to have faith. I knew God was speaking to me.

At the very end, the same women, Barbara Casas, called an altar call for healing. She was going to pray for those that needed healing. I KNOW that God is a god of healing so I went up. As.soon.as.I.got up and stood at the altar the tears just started flowing and would not stop. I cried and cried and cried and just gave it to God once again. It felt so good just to let it out, I find myself just going on with life, shoving my desires to the side, doing ministry, praying with 1st time visitors, tending to my family, making myself busy with my nieces and nephews, and try not to think about how much I desire to be a mother and make my husband a daddy. But as i stood there, I just let it all out. Several of the pastors wives came thru and prayed for us that went up from behind. Barbara came down from the stage and laid her hands on my head and prayed for me, as i think about it again my eyes tear up, by this time i'm sobbing, she told me "You know you stand out to me, and that means that you stand out to GOD." She told me "You think it's your fault (she was referring to my prayer), you think it's something that you did and God wants you to know that it's NOT your fault, it's not you, it's nothing that you did so don't think that. It's all part of God's timing, He has a timing for everything." oh my goodness, that was sooo good to hear. it really really encouraged me. God spoke to me.

After it was over and I had literally cried all my makeup off, Barbara came over to me and told me that I looked so much better. I knew she meant spiritually better because I know for sure she didnt mean physically, i looked like crap by then! =) I guess as she was speaking and she seen me I probably looked heavy burdened to her or God showed her something about me, but she said I looked better. I FELT lighter and I just thank God for the whole night. I went expecting nothing and left a whole different person. Praise God.

THEN on Sunday at church...Matt & I help in the 1st time visitor's room after every service. After the 1st service was over, we (me and matt) were just hanging out after all the visitors had left and 1 of my pastor's came over and told me that he wanted to pray for me. I was SO blown away because, while I love my pastor, he's all about ministry ministry and more ministry (in a good way of course). But he's a manly man, noone i would ever expect to talk to me about this. He said that God's been putting it on his heart to pray for me for healing, and that his wife confirmed it the day before when she asked him why he doesn't pray for me. He said he knows my desire to have a baby and he knows I love kids ...... he then asked me if he can pray for me. I got all teary eyed, thanked him, and said yes of course. So him, his wife and Matt all laid hands on me and prayed for me.

I was blown away by how God used these people to remind me that He knows, He remembers me, He loves me, and He cares. I thank God that He blessed me with these people, by their generous prayers, for being sensitive to God's asking and His spirit.