Wednesday, June 27, 2007

A friend of mine wrote this describing how it feels to want a child so badly. I thought it was perfectly said and is exactly how I feel. I asked her if I could borrow it for my blog and she said of course. Here it is:

You love your boyfriend (or fiance, or spouse), probably more than you can understand. You want to be with him all the time, you know how much you love him and need him in your life. But what if he wasn't here? He was somewhere that you couldn't contact him or connect with him. And you only had a chance ONCE a month to see if he was coming home to see you. You love him so much and are so ready to be with him that you can barely breath. Everywhere you look are people who get to be with those they love, getting engaged, planning a wedding, buying houses, starting their lives etc, but you can't seem to be with the one you love and no one can really tell you why!
So every month you're just sure it's going to be the month you get to see him. And yet month after month, you find out it's not the month, it's not "your time". People tell you "don't worry, it'll happen at the right time" "Just relax" or "Take a vacation". and all you want to scream is "It's time NOW! This is all I want, to be with this person I love, to spend my life with him, what do you know about the right time, are you God?!" but you don't, you smile and nod and say things like "yes, I know, God will provide, He'll take care of me (Which you do fully believe, but it doesn't always make it easier)". But it still doesn't make sense why everyone around you has their boyfriend, or husband, the love of their life with them day after day and you don't.
So month after month you wait, and month after month nothing. And you start to wonder if you'll ever see him again, if he'll ever be a part of your life like you've planned and hoped and wanted for so long. You're starting to lose hope. Now it's been almost two years, which is two years longer than you should have waited since no one else seems to have to wait that long. But you feel like you're dying inside, like you will drowned in tears if you have to wait another few months, or even possibly years to have to see him. But all you can do is wait. And that's what you do.


Rachel said...

Glad you found it useful! I actually wrote it to a friend who is waiting for her boyfriend to pop the question! Definitely in love land :-)